Ruowen Huang

It’s funnythat I often heard from friend that how their other half likes to fix ‘the relationship’ and how it was not working out for them.  I had to admit that I am one of those fixer.   Well, why not.  We were taught while growing up that we should always try to fix things that are broken.   So we learn to fix our toy, toilet bowl, computer and into relationship.  We were all so well-trained that we seriously believe that everything is ‘fixable’. 

But it took me long enough to start realized that men and women had complete different way of fixing thing.   In order to make it work for the other half, you will almost have to understand how their mind surrounds the idea of fixing. 

When things are broken, I realized that Men like to fix it verse women like to solve it. (Of course, this will only apply to majority.  Which I believe there are minority that are completely opposite.)   For example; if the toilet bowl is plugged, men will always try to unplug it when women will try to figure out what plug it.   I believed that the best way to balance men and women is to use each other's talent and find a way togehter to work it out. Such as men can fix the plugage while women try to figure what cause it.   When the cause is found, in the case the men and women trust each other enough, they will then work together to prevent the problem from happening again, taking whatever action needed to be taken. 

Sadly enough, we are often so wrapped up by our idea of fixing, believing our way is the only way of making thing works.  We’re often reluctant to listen to what others had to say.   Even if we do listen, our mind usually decided to generate an idea how it could be fixed while we are listening.  It’s not often we truly listen where other come from and what we could do to make that happen.

Relationship, for example, is not a easy thing to fixed for say.  It take two people to tango, of course it will take 2 people to make it work.  While one person tried really hard to make it work (with their own idea, of course.), does anyone ever take sometime to think about if their idea of fixing would ever work for the other half?

For men, nothing needed to be fixed unless there’s some kind of explosion. (Like argument or emotional turbulence.)   As for women, we often experience emotional unbalance while things are not working out for us.  So we would like to solve the problem while we started feeling that way rather than wait until there’s nothing we could do about it.  

I also found that most women are seeking someone to grow together with them while most of men will try to fix the relationship back to where it was when they believe was the best.  And that’s exactly why the whole ‘fixing the relationship’ doesn’t work out.   See, when women are trying to move on. Most men are trying to stay where they are comfortable. 

I believe any relationship will work, if two people are committed to each other and willing to communicate.  Which I also believe is the very basic foundation to create a solid relationship.   Communication is not only expressing what you truly feel, but also listen to what other has to say, and then find a way that both can work together.  All marriage takes works; so don’t expect the other half to work for you while you are contributing nothing towards the marriage.   Take away all the materials around you, and pretend there are only you and the other half in the universe and nothing else.  Now think about what you have to offer in order to create the bond between you and the other half?  If you cannot think of anything, then start getting on to it and create that bond.  Everything in the whole universe can bond without material, so why should we?  Believing there’s a reason why you marry him/her at the first place.  If he/she is still the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, then make that happen.  Stop complaining and generating all those negative energy around your marriage.   Find that balance in the marriage where you are him/her can both be happy together.   Work it, don’t just expect it. 

No matter what kind of result your relationship turns out to be, at least we will never regret that we had never tried.  Don’t you think?