Ruowen Huang

It's funny that Max had been going to fountain and making a wish that I will be nicer to him one day. 

Well, I do have to admit that it was not such a good feeling to know that your own children doesn't think you are nice!

So I asked him "What do you mean that I am not nice?"

He answered "Because you always say no to me."

I asked "Well, that's because I care.  If I do not care about you, I will either say 'yes' to everything you say, or 'no' to everything you say.  Because I will not care enough to make the judge for you, I will just pick a word and say it all the way through.   But because I do care how you will turn out to be in the future, so I will have to make yes or no decision until you can make it for yourself."

"But Aunty Jodi never say no to me.  and she always buy Greyson (Her son) toy.  Greyson has new toy every week.  But we never got to buy anything we want."

Dah! is it just me? or is every parent are like that?  Of course I am not going to buy toy to my kids every week, or whenever they ask.  First, I do not have that much money to spare.  Second, even if I do, I will not buy them toy everyweek, because life shouldn't be all about toy.  is it?

So I asked Max "So if I say yes to everything you want to buy, that will make me a nice mom?"

He nodded his head. 

"Great." I replied "Either you will have to pick a different mom next life, or that wish will probably never come true."  

He defended "But you said that our wish will always come true if we kept believing."

"True." I stood by my belief "But while your wish is coming true, you will never see it until you truly understand what you ask for.   You know why I cannot be nicer anymore?" I asked. 

Of course, Max shook his head. 

So I said "Because I am the best mom you can have.  You just don't see that. and that doesn't mean your wish is not coming true."

"But you always say 'no' to us."

"Not always." I corrected "But I will say 'no', that's because I care enough to reject your unreasonable demand." 

"They are not unreasonable!"

"Candy before meal? play before works? toy every trip we go out? (I am sure I can list hundreds of things that I say no to)" so I nodded "they are unreasonable! Alright!"

"But you are kind of mean compared to most of moms we know."

"True." I agreed. Due to my Chinese background, I probably came across quite mean compare to most of Western moms.  I continued explaining, "But I am consistant.  If you follow my rule in my house, there will be no reason for me to be mean to you.   Beside, if you do not respond to everything I say or everything I ask of you, why should I say yes to everything you ask from me anyway?"

I am sure this conversation is not going anywhere, as my child still believe a nice mom means someone who always say 'yes' to everything they want. 

But I sure hope one day they would understand, dicipline is not mean.   I hope they will understand one day that someone care about them enough to dicipline them rather than neglect them. 

At the end, wish do come true if you kept believing in it.  You just have to learn to step out of your perspective and look at it in different angles.  But I guess that would be the process we all grow to learn. right?