This conversation happened about 2 years ago. 

 

That time, I just got used to the plants talking to me and adjusted myself to see the color of the energy.  

My son was only 3 years old that time.

I had to take him to preschool every other day, and this tree is on the way to his school. 

It's a tree that talks a lot.  (at least, in my point of view...)

Every since he knew that I can hear his voice, he kept asking me whether I wanted to hear his story every time I passed by him.

Honestly, since I didn't know what a tree can do or say, so I always pretend that I didn't know what he said and just keep walking.

 

Until one sunny day, I somehow decided to sit around the tree and listen to what he has to say...

(basically, I realize that I can always walk away from him if he turns out to be a crazy tree... since a tree will NEVER be able to catch up with me...)

As soon as I sat down, he started to describe how different this area looks when he first arrived. 

(Obviously, Tree always looks younger then they actually are...)

Then, it started to describe where he has been , what kind of people he was before tree...

( By now, I was quite amazed to hear some past life stories from a TREE?  I didn't think they would have any...)

The point is, he was quite clear about what he learned in which life, and what he didn't...

(Are you kidding me?  Even I don't have a clear mind like that for myself.)

After listening to all this, I couldn't help asking: Will everyone turn into tree in some point? 

(I was just curious to know whether one day I will turn into a tree like him, standing by the side of the park, longing for someone to talk to me?)

He seems to be surprise that I finally talked.  He paused for a second and answered: Not really. 

I: Then, what made you decide to become a tree?

He: Because, I have my task to work on...

At this point, I really couldn't figure out what kind of task would a tree have? 

I: What task? (Producing air? I assumed.)

He laughed, and answered: I have to learn to...Let go.

Let go?  I was as confused as you can imagined: Why?

Don't you realized?  he said: Tree grows as long as human does.  Sometimes, even longer.  They live for hundreds of years, way more then a human can live their life.

I: what does this have to do with letting go?

He: Human may only have to learn to let go one or two things in their whole life.  But Tree will have to learn to let go of things every year.  They have work really hard to store their nutrition into seeds every years, but as soon as the seed drop to the ground, there will be nothing we can do.  We can only watch those seed to face their own faith and destiny... some of them cannot stand with the weather and dried out, some of them will end up being food of the animal,  Some of them finally find their way to root themselve, but as soon as they grow, they got pull out as weed,  Some seed became the toys for kids, and maybe... it will take hundreds of years for a seed to conquer all the difficulties and grow into a tree full of leave to shade others....

Not quite sure what you all feel about this?  But when I first hear this, I was kind of shocked by it. 

I shall said... I have NEVER IN MY LIFE, thinking of this side of the tree.  It started to make me feel quite quilty pulling out all the weed growing in my backyards.  But meanwhile struggle if I didn't do so, it may actually hurt those kids who play in my backyard...

The tree seems to notice my sense of guilty, so it continued: do not feel guilty.  We have never expect every seed to grow into a tree...

(Well, if he had say this earlier.  It will save me moment of feeling guilty.)

I: I don't understand.  If this is nature circle, why would it become your task?  Isn't it something you were born to accept?

He: That's right.  But when we were human, we always believe we can use our own power to decide how our children should grow.   We will try our best, to create what "we think" will be the best for them.  But we have never consider they have their own task to work on.  They will have to face lots of tasks that is way beyound our prediction.  So...all we can do is to try our best to provide them as much as we can before they become independant. And believe and trust they are able to deal and face what has to come with the strength and knowledge they have gained by themselves.  We can only trust they will become a tree that will benefit others... Most of spirit become tree are those who has too much that they cannot let go when they were human.  So now they learn to letting go with nothing they can do, and experience the true meanings  in spirit...

This conversation didn't make any sense to me at that time.  

Maybe because I had a father who was totally not responsible, or maybe because my kids are not in the age of letting go yet...

I: I didn't think my parents has provide me with any nutrition(love) as you said.  But I consider myself a very well grown tree (if this is the way to refer myself)...

He laughed: It is not important whether they have given you any nutrition (love).  What important is...what have you learn from them?  You have chosen your parent to learn your purpose of life.  this means... even if they were perfect parents, you will still come up with your own purpose of life.  They may not have given you the nutrition(love) you have craving for, but you still grew to be a tree that you are able to provide and seed, didn't you?

This conversation did make me think:  Would this be another way of letting go?

Maybe he is right...

If I didn't have a dad who was a total jerk, I may NEVER learn how to appreciate what I have, or I may never learn how to respect myself.

But I also have to admit... This conversation was so deep that I was not sure whether I understand it or not at that time...

All the sudden, I notice sunshine throught the shade.  

Because the tree was so full of leaves, so I can really enjoy the warm sunshine without feeling burn.

I: It must be difficult to grow into a tree like you?( I was not sure I could ever be as tough as a tree?  All the wind and snow?  Now I start to feel maybe it's quite lucky to become a human instead.)

He: If you are used to your task, there's no feeling easy or difficult. 

It didn't talk after that.  But his conversation is making me continously thinking for months. 

Every time I look at a tree, I would think about his meaning of  "Letting go". 

(Well, if you notice Vancouver is a city full of tree, you will know how often the conversation came to my mind.)

That time was also the time my dad just passed away. 

Maybe, I subcouciously still carried some hate toward him, which make me choose to stay where I was to live my life here instead of going back to Taiwan, participating his funeral. 

But whenever I look at the seed on the ground, 

I start wondering: Maybe this is how I choose to be born into this world.

Maybe, This is how I chose to learn my lesson.

Maybe, I have to grow up this way to learn to be strong and appreciate what I have.

This also make me understand no matter how hard I was trying to be a perfect mom, 

the children who choose me to be born with, will ALWAYS  get their purpose of life from me. 

So... Maybe what I really shall do is...Simply to be myself. 

I shall provide anything I know and everything I can, then simply believe they will gain enough knowledge and strength to deal with what has to come into their future. 

During the whole process of thinking, I have slowly forgiving the dad I hated for nearly 30 years. 

At the meanwhile, I also release myself by forgiving. 

All we can provide to our children is not over protestion, but wisdom and trust.  Don't you think?

(This is when I start to wonder:  Maybe the tree decided to talk to me in the pressure of my higher spirit...)

 

This is a long forgotten story which happened to me 2 years ago.  

I don't know why it comes up to my mind again, but I would simply share this with you all. 

Maybe...some of you are dealing with what I have gone through 2 years ago at this very moment. 

or maybe some of you are learning how to let go just like me...
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Ruowen Huang

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  • 我每天凝望着窗外的那些树,今天透过你的文字对我说话了。谢谢你。